Breaking Up In The Age of Social Media

Breaking up in the age of social media – I’ve never done it before. I was considerably late jumping on the Facebook train and ended my three-year relationship without needing to endure a single status change. There were no photos to untag or cuddly profile pictures to delete, just an untainted Facebook page waiting for me to fall in love again.

But then I found myself lost in 2012, trying to manage the second big breakup that mattered. Times have changed since my first heartbreak and the landscape isn’t what it was. There’s now public proof that I was once the second half of a romantic duo, our photos haunting albums, our history so clearly displayed with Facebook’s friendship feature. I felt hapless, like I was standing alone in front of my romantic ruins, expected to clean the social slate for the next guy to come along. The task was as daunting as it was heartbreaking, and, months later, there’s still a year and a half of history I’ve yet to untag.

Which begs the question, what is the proper post-breakup protocol? How is a person expected to break up in the age of social media?

It’s important to remember that much of what you do on Facebook and Twitter is accessible, at least to your select followers. There’s an increased level of messiness that comes with a separation that’s invariably public. All it takes is an insensitive misstep to propel a touchy issue into a communal train wreck.

So take the initial steps in stride. That relationship status, as frustratingly symbolic as it can be, will eventually need to change. However, instead of using Facebook’s drop-down box as spiteful catharsis, take a few days to make these changes. I opted to make my relationship status entirely private. As a friend so wisely put it, “No one needs to know who doesn't already know.”

There’s also the compelling temptation to lurk your other half’s networks, see where they’ve checked in to and who they’ve been tweeting. There’s no need for ostentatious, spiteful romancing with other people, so be respectful and keep your fraudulent flirting off the media grid. Nothing is more hurtful than thinking your love has already found another, and with emotions precarious, it doesn’t take much to believe you’ve been replaced.

So, for your personal health and mental stability, consider taking the final daunting steps of unfriending or blocking your ex. Sometimes we need to take advantage of technology to cut us off from our addictions, and over-analyzing every one of your ex’s new tweets is one of them. Time itself will help bring solidarity, and having access to the social reminders that your love is alive and well (and god forbid, flourishing) might not be what you need in your time of recovery.

While I'm still navigating the volatile currents in the wake of my own breakup, I realize it's important to resist the urge to plague my social networks with my woes. It's oddly therapeutic to set it free and let it fester in public. However, I'd much rather be the girl who handled her heartbreak with grace than the crazy Fraulein who set Twitter on fire with her bitterness and misery. He and I are now single by status, officially unfriended and both managing (with respect) in this delicate context of technology. I'd like to think we're doing it right.

Remember that the symptoms of withdrawal are as formidable as they are temporary, so throw on your heartbreak mix tape and sing along.

Here’s one to get you started.

So, what do you think is the most difficult part about breaking up in the age of social media?