German Halloween

Germans, generally, don't participate in Halloween. It is originally an Irish custom that leaked into America where it got shot up with commercial steroids and became loosely known around the rest of the world. The Kids attend an international school that decided to participate in Halloween by throwing multiple parties for different grades.

First, The Mom and I attended a small underwhelming party for kindergartners. After eating a delicate meal of sugar, cupcakes, brownies, cookies, chips and juice, the little monsters had a dance party in the middle of the room instigated by The Mom (she's a riot). This was followed by a game of Pin-the-wart-on-the-witch and a craft of glitter-facing mini pumpkins.

The cafeteria party was a mixture of everyone up to third grade full of streamers and wild spider webs that attack innocent au pairs. Because this is a private school, the snack food included things like capri sun (don't even mention a community barrel of fruit punch, these kids are individuals!), high-end pastries, rich chocolate displays, and an over abundance of FRUITS which nobody ate.

The whole time, I snacked. In fact, I was snacking before I even the left the house, rummaging through our bowl of trick-or-treat candy and picking out the ones I had never seen (and even the ones I had). "Cultural experience," I said, justifying my unhealthy consumptions.

The party ended after pumpkin bowling, mummy wrap, a dance party, a snack fest, and a boy threw up. We took the leftovers ("It's candy shopping!" I told The Girl, and this pleased her very much, so we went around the cafeteria grabbing candy from bowls and putting it in her bag) and booked it.

But wait. The Mom brought 5 giant bales of hay to the party that needed to be returned to the farm the next day. SO, after The Kids went home with The Dad, The Mom and I loaded up the same 5 giant bales of hay back into her car and drove off. As we were halfway home, The Mom sniffed around and asked is I could smell something burning. So I take a whiff of the air, ignoring the pungent fumes of barnyard animal stink, and agree that there seemed to be a hint of smoke. Not sure if it was coming from the inside or out, The Mom rolled both our windows down. Before we could even get a good smell of the air, she screamed, "HAY, HAY, HAY, HAYYY!!!!" Although the hay was in bales, most of it was still lose and with the torrent of fresh air streaming currents through the back, it all kicked up and went flying. I ducked, I closed my eyes, I held my breath. Hay was spinning like a tornado throughout the car and the windows would not roll up fast enough. When all was settled, we had hay in our hair and hay on our clothes. Just a little hint of smoke caused so much chaos.

Anyway, at home, I completely abandoned The Mom by staying home and leaving her with 12 trick-or-treating children. I'm sorry, but I am barely able to withstand the walk from the parking lot to the school and so I will definitely not walk a loop around the neighborhood for one hour. Instead, I stayed home, cleaned up and passed out candy to about eight rounds of children. I even started to crochet.

So, Surprise, it's just standard Halloween procedure. There's nothing different about Halloween in Germany, except that it's lesser known and scarcely participated. I'm almost sorry to disappoint.

Happy Halloween.