Blond chicks suck and they're not sexy.

The weekend, oh, how I live for it. Every week it's me calling out for Kate, "Let's DO SOMETHING." That girl, she saves my life every time.

This weekend had to be spectacular, it had to be jam packed and tiring and wild, as there's nothing that nurses out a broken heart like good beer and an adventure. So, we started Saturday early, and headed to a Fortuna Soccer game. This is basically the disappointingly mediocre team out of Dusseldorf. It was cold and rowdy, and when the ref made a bad call or the other team scored a point, the crowd would throw their beer cups on the field and stick out their middle fingers.

The best part of the game were the beer guys (nerdy looking beer solicitors with a backpack full of beer on tap that can dispense you a cup whenever and wherever you want) and the guy who walked the isles with a basket full of bread and pastries. Hot dogs? At a stadium? Not in Germany. Now pass me the 9 grain loaf please, danke.

When our team ceremoniously tied, we left the field for greener pastures. We headed to the Christmas market where we imbibed Gluwein (once again, the traditional Christmastime beverage), and then moved on for some Alt Bier (once again, the beer traditional to the Dusseldorf area). Here, Kate and I sat with Cherub and Lazy Eye (I don't remember names when I have had alcohol to drink, so we'll just call it like it is) for a brief dinner. She and I abstained from food as we had a dinner date at a friends house, so we just had beer and watched them eat. This is where the night shifted.

For some reason, it is okay for strange old men to feed a young woman from their plate of food with their personal fork. "Here, try this." "No, thank you.... I said no thank you. What is your fork still doing in front of my face? Is this a cultural difference? Do I really have to, because I think it is gross and it also makes me uncomfortable to have your saliva in my mouth. What's your name again?" So, to settle the situation, I ate the portion that they spooned out for me and hoped only that it didn't happen again. But it did. Kate sat on the side the whole time, watching me get force fed other peoples sauerkraut while claiming to be a wegetarian (Germans switch their V's and W's around). Eventually, Cherub asked if I was extremely conservative or if I was just sarcastic.

"She's just sarcastic."


I chugged the rest of my beer so we could freely evacuate the bar. Before long, we were back at Kate's place, picking up essential dinner items: A pumpkin, a carrot and a food processor. Yes, she carried it around with her for the rest of the night.


Soon, we met up with Devlin, new friend #4! Fellow expat with an Irish passport, we all got along swimmingly as we made a mess of his kitchen. Pumpkin soup was in the making, and while they peeled carrots and boiled onions, I sat on the side sloshing wine in my mouth to kill other peoples bacteria. Drink, Nix, alcohol kills germs.

When our soup was digested, we headed out to the altstadt (old town) for more fun and excitement. Here, we met up with Sebastian and tried to look classier than we were. One round of Jäger, please, coming right up. Cheers to friendships abroad, and let me tell you why.

Conversation turned to holiday plans, who's going where and for how long etc. Devlin, Mr. Irishman here, mentions returning home to Ireland and my eyes light up. "You should come," he says, "round trip tickets are like 50 Euro." I'm heavily inebriated at this point, but I can still comprehend the value of a week in Ireland for 50 Euro. "I'll show you around, we'll do this we'll do that," and all I can process is Ireland for 50 Euro. I slide my little black book across the table and order him to give me his information. Email, phone number, social security number, whatever I need to track him down because I am going to Ireland for 50 Euro.

My entire holiday plans changed like that. I tossed Greece and the 200 Euro plane ticket that would get me there for a birthday in London, Christmas in Scotland, and new years in Ireland. Cheers to Friendships abroad.

If that wasn't the best part of the night, then this was; A video I do not remember taking, where my only friends abroad stood by my side and blond-bashed. (ps. if you can not see the video, you must go to the original page).

Highlights of the video: Kate's self righteous and overly positive, "to Nix!" Sebastian's, "Nix, don't ever get blond." And my extremely drunken slur depicting just how awesome I really am. Cheers to friendships abroad!

We ended the night as perfectly as possible. And though still woozy in the morning, I had a new spirit in my soul that always comes back when I watch that ridiculous video. Blond chicks suck and they're not sexy! I'm going to Ireland! I'M AWESOMEEEE!!!