Too pensive to be healthy.

Would you blame me if all entries henceforth go on about me leaving Europe and returning to Hawaii? What I'm doing, going back home to finish my schooling, is the correct decision. My future can not progress towards my ideals without a degree. Still, that big step forward also doubles as that big step away. As frequently as I've had to say goodbye to people and places, I'm no better at it than I was to start out with. Contrary to how I may behave, I am sentimental and I get attached. Like a starfish that is so rooted to a spot, I have difficulty leaving a place once I set my feet down. And yet, without constant motion I would starve, always hungry for the places I haven't been. A nomad I may be, but my heart falls in love with everything it sees - a rather painful way of life at times, perhaps, but worth it. Passion, in the end, is never short at hand.

As of late, I've allowed myself to drift into a state of melancholy, sending sad eyes to buildings and street signs, trying to embed their images into the part of my mind that is capable of remembering. Then, as if to protect their feelings, I always add, "I'll be back and we'll see each other again." I do this in part because I believe it to be true, so much so that the sentence might as well be fact. I will return as my business here is unfinished. I have yet to experience Vienna, Prague, Budapest, Warsaw, the entirety of Greece, Portugal and Denmark. In truth, I have barely scratched the surface of Europe. With so much left to learn, it would be impossible to stay away.

I have friends here and family too, and memories of experiences that have shaped my life. The truth is that I'm not the same person who arrived here heartbroken and dejected in 2008. I owe much of who I am to this continent and those who have taken me into their hearts. Saying goodbye this time will be more complex than any other farewell I have ever given. Am I prepared? No. Will I ever be?

Likely not.